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 Post subject: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Sun May 24, 2009 4:00 pm 
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Title : Another Perfect Day
Author : Pierre
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Drama
Word Count : ~ 575
A/N : Done in a hurry today (01/10/2009). Wanted to end this before the beginning of S4.5. I had this idea for some weeks. Chris, I thought it would be better if you discovered the fic without beta-testing it: you're one of my few readers, and this way you will possibly enjoy it more.
Sorry for the grammar issues.

update 05/24/2009 : slightly edited according to Chris' suggestions. I hope it's better now.



Another Perfect Day



It's the evening, and she walks in the streets of New-Caprica City. She passes by a few people, dark silhouettes hastening to get home before the curfew. Characteristic light reflections reveal signs of patrolling occupation forces: Centurions on the ground, and Heavy Raiders in the sky; a new metallic ecology brought on this planet several months ago. My people. But she's alone on this world.

Sometimes she hears a suspicious noise and prepares herself for a thrown stone. Sometimes also, she wonders if she has been recognized. There have been whispers. I tell you it's her. A week earlier, there has been this man, hate and madness in his eyes, his hand starting to reach for an object concealed in his jacket, but not finishing his gesture. Maybe he was thinking that she would be faster than him. In fact, she was lucky, because she hasn't touched a gun since the day she became a Cylon. There have been these kids, and she regularly imagines seeing Boxey when she looks at them. What did they tell him about me? Is he alive? Is he now persuaded that I wanted to kill him, when I accidentally pointed my sidearm at him?

She gets through a last row of shelters and arrives at a particular tent. She remains hidden by the increasing obscurity that the nearby lamp struggles to fight. And watches. It hurts so much, but she can't help doing it. Through windows and canvas interstices, she locks her gaze on him. I was his, and he was mine. Chief. He doesn't look bad with this beard. In the flickering candlelight, she can identify the other occupants of the tent. She seems happy, is the first thought that comes to her mind when Cally's face appears distinctively enough. She notices that she has unconsciously moved her hands to her belly, but then is distracted by the cries of a baby. I wasn't able to give you that, Galen: a real family.

They are celebrating something. Ah yes. A red dress, and a half-drunk Felix stepping on her feet. She smiles slightly: she has managed to forget the reality, for a moment. The loud laugh of Tyrol's new lover brutally disperses these memory clouds and summons much darker ones. She knows she shouldn't be there. It's late now and dangerous. They do things to Cylons. She remembers her Eight Sister, awaking in the resurrection tub, screaming ceaselessly despite all the efforts of the Nurses, until Cavil shoots her in the head. Double-downloading. Sometimes necessary in case of an extreme painful death. The immediate second downloading resolves habitually the "issue".

She shakes her head. Would Galen hurt me like this? She fears that her sigh has been perceptible, then realizes that her teeth are clenched, and that she couldn't emit any sound through her lips. A distant bark draws her attention. Maybe D'Anna can't sleep either? If only she agreed to treat the humans like that dog...

She shivers and checks the buttons on her white coat. It's cold, and what happens in that dirty tent doesn't concern me.
She mentally tries to wrap a cloak of indifference around her shoulders, to protect herself, but fails and finds herself immersed in her familiar bubble of loneliness. She makes her way back, to the Cylon area, to where she belongs. And, as every day, she promises herself not to come back. Happy Colonial Day, Chief.

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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 5:25 am 
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At the risk of being the last poster in all these topics, this is rather poignant, particularly if you want to consider how messed up everyone was in Season 4 (Cally dead, Gaeta caricatured as a somewhat ineffective lunatic, Dee a suicide, Boomer messed up, Chief a suicide in the making, Nicky an unfortunate plot device disposed of rather callously).

I really don't like Season 4. As Ted says, too bad they can't do a mulligan (although I guess they could make it even worse).


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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 2:07 pm 
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I think they should have just ended it right before the final, it would have been better.

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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 3:18 pm 
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Let's say that the prestrike S4.5 plot looked very promising. Too bad.

Concerning this very fic, I would place it somewhere before Occupation. Maybe during The Resistance. So it would be a S3 fic.
Thanks for finding it poignant (same adjective as in French, by the way), NT2.

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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 1:07 pm 
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Repost of previous comment (just the easy way to clean my backlog :blush: ) :

Very good catch of a short moment in Boomer's life on New-Caprica. We saw her talking to Cally in the jail. I can hardly imagine she wasn't dying to know what happened with Tyrol.

When I'm reading a fic I usually let my imagination wander freely and I try to convert the sentences into a movie showing in my head.
And with this one it works perfectly.

The short sentences act like brush strokes revealing gradually the whole painting.


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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 5:41 pm 
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Thanks Jack, NT2 and the others.

Uhm, I've slightly changed again the long phrase beginning with "she fears that her sigh...", in the fifth paragraph. I wasn't 100% satisfied with it. Does it make (more) sense now?
Chris, I could need a concise grammar-only-centered beta for this one too... when your RL gives you time, of course. Or maybe it's already ok??? (doubtful)

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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:50 pm 
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I don't remember how it was before, but it seems to read fine now. I always thought this one was in good shape.

On further reflection, however, I do think it needs a dead Starbuck crashing her viper into something. ;) Doesn't every story need that? :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 9:14 pm 
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Thanks. In this case, I shall consider it as Version 1.00 Final ...

The very first written version of the sentence was: "She fears that her sigh has been perceptible, and she realizes that her teeth are clenched and she wasn't able to emit any sound through her lips". Hmmm.

In the first published (Kindreds) version, the sentence was: "She fears that her sigh has been perceptible, and she realizes that her teeth are clenched and she can't emit any sound through her lips". Verb change, but still somehow clunky.

Then it became, when re-posted here: "She fears that her sigh has been perceptible, but then she realizes that her teeth are clenched, so she can't emit any sound through her lips".

And now: "She fears that her sigh has been perceptible, then realizes that her teeth are clenched, and that she couldn't emit any sound through her lips". Little tense change, one "she" dropped, and slightly different phrase construction.

Hopefully the last revision. :geek:

Many thanks to my fans! :angel:

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 Post subject: Re: Another Perfect Day, by Pierre, PG-13
PostPosted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 5:39 pm 
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Image


I thought I could illustrate the fic with this color print, another production drawing representing the Unit Signs of New-Caprica City during the Cylon Occupation.

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