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 Post subject: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:00 pm 
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Title : Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin
Author : Pierre
Rating : PG
Genre : Drama/Angst
Word Count : ~ 550
Spoilers : Up to DayBreak II
Beta-testing : none
A/N : Oh well, I wanted to do this and wrote this pathetic mess & DayBreak II-destroyer today.



Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin



I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Today I made a choice, my last one; and now it's time to die. As a matter of fact, I'm already dead: as expected - wanted/asked? - , she shot me. Peace, at last.

The two humiliating drunks are gone, and I'm back in this dark corridor, still alive. Looks like I'm less lucky than last time - I mean the first one - . I don't feel much pain, though. Weird.
Here comes another piece/fragment. Oh no, must it be you? Leave me alone!

"You stupid, stupid and futile Eight! What have you done? Even your betrayal to me is a failure! Now what?"

You figure. I'm done. Oh, you must be frakking kidding me! Is that a - ?

"Can't you really do anything right?"

I guess not. What about once in the head? Well, my sweet Colonial-loyal Sister is to blame, today. Or maybe the frakking Gods have written in their Book that Sharon Valerii has to bleed to death everytime. Or to be killed by a friend. Or both.

There has been a terrible accident.

Something strange is happening, and I didn't experience any of it before. Is this the way we die when we are facing the Clouds of Unknowing? I don't feel the ground under me anymore. I am moving. Are these Centurions with crimson (same color as the sunsets of my vanished childhood) lines all over their chest bleeding, as a sign of sympathy with me? Are these carriers the Guardians?

A new time slide. Now I'm almost totally immersed in my own blood. No, it's a gooish liquid. But the rebels destroyed the Hub, so the (image of a blonde woman, from a scene which took place oh so, so long ago, and triggering an idea/word association) inviere process shouldn't be possible.

I'm somehow compelled to check my wrists for handcuffs (and we love you, Sharon), am amazed how well my supposedly dying brain continues to function, and realize that this just doesn't make any sense.

A nightmare - it has to be one. But since when?

Again, an undefined time period has passed. Let's stop this masquerade. Now.

It looks as if one of the protective domes over the Troy colony has collapsed.

The very beginning. My first death. Could a dream last for so long? John, what did you do to me?

I'm starting to feel a chill, and the sensation of tiny ice burns on my face. Captain Sarah Alchemer, I will sue the Eversun Company: it's snowing in your starliner!

Well, opening my eyes appears as a good idea. Why didn't I do that earlier? You are right, John: I'm stupid.

Oh.

It's a planet. I'm standing, in an area high above the sea level I think, and...

...and you are even more stupid than me, John Cavil. How did you manage that? Why? Does a perfect machine have tears in its eyes?

I'm sorry.

The cold awakens a slight pain in my belly, I lower my hand to touch it and guess the presence of multiple scars, but it must be nothing compared to his and what he must be feeling right now.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"Chief?"

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:23 pm 
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Very Pierresque title.

When writing my stories I try to keep my brother's advice to "show, don't tell" in mind. Pierre regularly turns this on its head, writing stories that tell but don't show. Worse*, yet, he often has his characters not in their right mind when (or rational mind, at least) when he does it. It works for him, as his synesthesia masterpiece Soul Catcher demonstrates. I like that this story gives you just enough hints about what is going on outside Boomer's mind (through her attempts to understand what she senses happening) that you can guess about the journey she is taking, but that it is not obvious or certain. That is a hard balance to walk, and this story does it. The sentence "I'm somehow compelled to check my wrists for handcuffs (and we love you, Sharon)" is the best example of that, I think. My favorite line, however, is the almost nonsensical but fun "Captain Sarah Alchemer, I will sue the Eversun Company: it's snowing in your starliner!"

Pierre says it's a "pathetic mess." It certainly is a mess, but unravelling it in your mind as you read is half the fun. I certainly don't think it's pathetic. While it's not quite Soul Catcher it is still good and I have no idea how to improve upon it. Well, maybe if it had some really cool trademark Pierre simile in it like "Fire Flowers".

I admit that when I read "The cold awakens a slight pain in my belly" for a fraction of a second until I read about the scars (and remembered where she'd been shot) I thought she might be pregnant. After all, Helo thought Athena was Boomer when he impregnated her... I was not expecting the last word at all. In a less artistic fic I'd feel that it was too hopelessly romantic of a finish to fit BSG, but in this one it feels earned, and as if whatever happens next for Boomer may be good but it won't be a an easy, simple fairy tale ending.



*I mean worse in the sense that it makes the reader's journey nonlinear, not that it makes the fiction worse.

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:20 am 
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I wouldn't say it's a pathetic mess.

There are a lot of interesting thoughts here, and I think it could also be expanded to flesh them out. At present, it's basically a stark, somewhat ambiguous teasing with a concept; as such, a certain amount of structural fuzziness (not using that word in a negative sense) was required to communicate the feel you were aiming for. It works as a puzzle piece, but could also serve as the basis for something else. Depends on exactly what you personally might want to do with it, or whether you consider it to have already accomplished what you want.


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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:21 am 
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Oh, wow! You write so uniquely, Pierre! In a good way, of course :) I agree with Chris Taylor-your style really works and I really enjoyed it. Love how you brought the Chief in there at the end. Lovely job!

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:33 pm 
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NT2
Quote:
Depends on exactly what you personally might want to do with it, or whether you consider it to have already accomplished what you want.

Don't know yet! :grin:

Jemma
Quote:
Love how you brought the Chief in there at the end

Yeah. It had to end like this. It was part of the rules (established by me, heh) for this fic.


Thanx for your appreciation. :thx:

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:24 pm 
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Chris,

your very very kind comment is almost an essay.

Yes, I only follow my own rules/ideas. :grin:

What had to be done in this fic:
- transform/destroy Boomer's death scene from Daybreak II.
- suggest how she could have survived.
- give John the opportunity, at last, to make something different.
- allow an ending where Sharon and Galen are both alive, and in the same area. It doesn't mean Galen isn't preparing himself to strangle her as soon as he sees her. I can't control that, it's up to them to find the strength and will to make peace, as a beginning. What comes after is even more nebulous.

How did it start?
- well, of course, with the Daybreak deleted scene, of course, where Boomer awakens in a Colonial transport (a Heavy Colonial model?), only to be told by the Captain, Sarah Alchemer, that an accident happened on Troy and that all her family perished.

Gina?
- supposedly, in the extended version of Daybreak, Gina speaks to Boomer before she gets "activated" as sleeper agent. (info found in the Propworx catalog for the 2nd BSG auction: it concerns Gina's outfit. S. Alchemer's outfit was also sold) And we all know what her name meant. (and Boomer is a well educated girl)

Till the end, Boomer fears/hopes that everything was just a bad dream, and that she will wake up, again, in the starliner of the Eversun Company.

Of course I wrote it in a confusing way. But I'm sure you decrypted (almost?) everything, Chris.

About improving. Well, maybe I could (if I want to and if I find appropriate stuff) "polish" some scenes. Sometimes little changes have an unforeseen effect.
In no way however, I don't want to make things easier for the reader. :grin:

For the scars: This was to state the fact that Boomer didn't resurrect. The Cylon tub served this time as an "autodoc" (à la Larry Niven, remember?), that's all.

Oh, and the title? Remember the geometrical properties of snowflakes...

You are good in catching fic-cores, Chris: the phrase about suing the company is an important one for me. (as was the one about almost calling Kendra "Lucy" in Fire Flowers)

The last word: this whole fic is a "set-up" for this moment: Sharon magically survives her wounds AND arrives on Earth (the "bleeding" Centurions are the Rebel red-painted ones; don't know why they would do that (did John play a role?), but maybe Gaius wasn't too wrong when he tried to do a "preaching" with one) AND finds herself standing on a hill AND apparently she can see her first love through the snow.

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:37 pm 
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Pierre wrote:
The last word: this whole fic is a "set-up" for this moment: Sharon magically survives her wounds AND arrives on Earth (the "bleeding" Centurions are the Rebel red-painted ones; don't know why they would do that (did John play a role?), but maybe Gaius wasn't too wrong when he tried to do a "preaching" with one) AND finds herself standing on a hill AND apparently she can see her first love through the snow.


That's what I gathered, since you've mentioned this idea before.

AND finds herself standing on a hill AND apparently she can see her first love through the snow That's an absolutely beautiful image. Why don't you try to do that in the more picturesque vein of Soul-catcher of Another Perfect Day? I think the end result could be special. :clap:


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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:21 am 
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Hmmm, I could try. But don't complain if it ends up being like Finnegan's Wake! :grin: (no-no, I do not compare myself to J.J. :lol: )

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:46 pm 
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hmmm... I agree that the scene with Boomer and Chief in the snow could be a physically beautiful scene if you were to describe it. There are so many things interwoven in this fic already that I think including a description of what is going on physically would detract from the story if you tried to do it as you went along. Perhaps it could be done by bracketing the mental and emotional journey Boomer takes with physical scenes at the beginning and end, thus leaving the already complex enough story you now have in the middle unmolested.

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:52 pm 
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I'm ashamed to say that I hadn't thought of the snowflakes as the fractal fragments, but it is obvious once you mention it.

What does Gina's name mean? Or did you mean Capt. Alchemer (who transmutes a base thing to a precious one?).

Pierre wrote:

Yes, I only follow my own rules/ideas. :grin:

Just to force ourselves out of our areas of comfort, the next "last fic'r standing" you should try to write a ficlet with NO internal dialog, monologue, etc. and just rely on physical descriptions, while I try the Pierresque stream-of-consciousness style.

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:19 pm 
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Chris Taylor wrote:
Just to force ourselves out of our areas of comfort, the next "last fic'r standing" you should try to write a ficlet with NO internal dialog, monologue, etc. and just rely on physical descriptions, while I try the Pierresque stream-of-consciousness style.

Should be fun!

Quote:
What does Gina's name mean?


tût-tût-tût :P !!! It's in Razor:

Shaw: Excuse me, could you please show me...
Gina, turning from a circuit board: Looking for the CIC?
Shaw: Yes. How did you know?
Gina: You got that new officer meaning to report to her CO look down cold. [Showing Shaw her high-tech clipboard, with ship schematics.] one of the benefits of being a network administrator: This is us. This is where you need to be.
Shaw: You're a lifesaver! Kendra Shaw.
Gina: Gina Inviere.
Shaw: Inviere... That's old Gemenese for "Resurrection," isn't it? [Gina nods, surprised] one of the benefits of being a lapsed classics major.
Gina: Guess you never know when something like that might come in handy. Welcome to Pegasus, Lieutenant.
Shaw: Thank you.

I didn't think about "playing" with Alchemer's name. Good point.

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:05 am 
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I knew you had to write it even if I couldn't figure out how. And you did it brilliantly.

I really love the title. Fractal is the best definition I could guess to describe your fictions. Going to many directions at the same time but always connected in a logical order (OK it's never really obvious at first sight) and ending up with a gorgeous drawing.

Quote:
What does Gina's name mean?
That I remembered but on the other hand it's high time for me to find the opportunity to watch the deleted scenes :oops: .

Oh, and It's neither pathetic nor a mess.


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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:18 pm 
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Thanks, Jack.


nice picts' here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fractal

Image

The part with Gina is (as they say) featured in the extended Daybreak version. No one has seen it yet. The only clue (Boomer speaks with her prior to her "activation") comes from the Propworx catalog (see above).


Other authors have invented much more fabulous titles, like Samuel Delany: Time Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones.

Or Harlan Ellison (with Robert Sheckley): I See a Man Sitting on a Chair, and the Chair is Biting his Leg.

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:30 pm 
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Pierre wrote:
Other authors have invented much more fabulous titles, like Samuel Delany: Time Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones.


Wow. There's a memory I hadn't activated in a long time.

HCE. It was pretty good.


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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:06 pm 
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NT2 wrote:
There's a memory I hadn't activated in a long time.

Yes. You can almost hear and smell the dust sizzling on the synapses when these things happen, right? But once the current has been established, everything's back again. :)

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