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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:29 pm 
Hera's Fiance
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Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 4:55 pm
Posts: 716
I know Pierre has repeated that this is a mess, and he seems disappointed in it. While I agree that it isn't quite up to the excellent level of Soul Catcher it is still a very good read. Yes it is a mess. It is chaotic. It is mysterious. You have to wade through it, filling in the blanks as you go and guessing at what is not said. And that, I think, is part of the fun of reading it. It is part of the story's charm. If it was less messy, more easily comprehensible, then it wouldn't take you on the same emotional journey. The ending might be more clear but it would be less of a relief and, given the "happy ending" vibe of the last word it might even feel cheesy if you could see it coming. But you can't. So, Pierre, if you can't improve on it then don't feel bad about its messiness. Lots of us wish we could write a "bad story" that was as artfully done.

BTW, I'm going to hold you to the idea that one day we need to swap styles for a pair of stories.

edit: Thinking about this more and asking "if this were mine what would I change?" I remembered that 1 thing that gave ne trouble was that I hadn't seen the deleted sleeper awakens scene with Capt. Alchemer. I might add a prologue describing those events and use similar words, structure, or imagery to allow the reader to identify them later in Boomer's delusions. I might even have the dream Boomer awakens from have snow in it, just because I write like that.

edit2: or maybe just a link to that video for those like me who didn't see it

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 Post subject: Re: Fractal Fragments of Time in my Mind and on my Skin - Pierre
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:53 pm 
Up The Riverworld Without A Paddle

Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 3:48 pm
Posts: 1100
Hey, thanks for these kind words, Chris.

Here's my post from Jemma's fic thread (to put this in context)
You see, six months ago I wanted to "redo" Fractal Fragments... , had re-watched several eps., compiled some data and written quotes. But eventually I realized that, to paraphrase Catherine Weaver's tech assistant, Mr. Murch, in Terminator-TSCC *, the fic was this specific collection of words and feelings. And I couldn't change any of it. (unless there are spelling/grammar bugs, of course)

This discouraged me a little bit... since I qualified the fic as "mess" but couldn't decide myself to modify it.

* Mr. Murch, in Born to run (final and so beautiful and emotion-charged episode, believe me): "I think what we know to be John-Henry only exists as this specific collection of hardware and software: body and soul." ... orn+to+Run

As a matter of fact, I wanted to say that I liked this fic "as is", and that when I thought of modifying it, I found myself unable to. Yeah, I wasn't very crystal clear. :-) (Jack, if I insert the "nose", I get the "right" round smiley, otherwise I get the ovaloid one)
Maybe because I just wanted to hear "no no, it's not a mess?" :oops:
Well, I could (and maybe should) polish a tiny little bit. But these wouldn't be big or even notiecable changements for the fast/occasional readers.

Here's the deleted scene:

The Sleeper Awakens

The version posted by GreyCoupon had a "weird" title (to avoid being deleted), but its quality is better: ... xh75dD51kQ

And here is a version containing all Daybreak deleted scenes:

Captain of the Praetorian Guard of Her Majesty Empress Boomer

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